Mathematicians… The perfect pet!

For years humans have been looking for the perfect pet… Cats and dogs were winning the race for a while but I have come the conclusion the perfect pet would be a Mathematician. Yes you read right, a person who has majored in math in University. Not only could they do all the messy calculations they would be cost-effective as well.

To begin with, they would be able to solve all those little math problem that life throws at us. Like the rate at which the water is flowing from my bathtub? Or how much money am I saving on my car insurance? Or if i keep eating chocolate at this rate how much will I have left at the end of the day? You know they are the perfect pet because in the end their awesome math skills will pay for themselves.

For example, lets say that a friend bets you can’t calculate how long it would take someone to drive to the sun and back if 50% of the road was highway (avg speed: 110 km/h), 30% was a residential area (avg speed: 40 km/h) and 20% is an industrial road (avg speed: 50 km/h). Also you acceleration is 4 m/s^2. Let’s also assume that the bet is for 100$.

Now a mathematician sees this a has a tiny little orgasm. Meaning you will definitely win that bet. So after a few such bets, the price of the mathematician will be covered. As your cute little “Tician” will tell you.

Another cool thing about your math buddy would that he will constantly be able to analyze risks for you. You can train you mathematician to work on statistics so when you ask yourself, is it safe? It will respond with a beautiful percentage of the likelihood of injury and/or death. Brilliant! Now i will never have to wonder what are the odds that i will kill myself while riding a unicycle between a busy Montreal highway and a 50 foot drop.

Phew! I feel safer already.

All and all I believe that these are the perfect, pets. Never mind fetching your slippers or acting like the surprised cat, mathematicians will do your income taxes.



~ by tahnok on December 16, 2009.

3 Responses to “Mathematicians… The perfect pet!”


  2. And where; pray tell, does one acquire such an exquisite pet? 😛 I’m going to need listing!

    p.s.: Danielle I’m still waiting on your personal explanation for why girls go to washrooms in groups!

  3. The Rule of Cool says your unicycling adventure will be a success, unless there are low-res handheld video recording devices nearby, which have been proven to neutralize the RoC at an effective range of up to 50 meters on a clear day.

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